How to talk to your doctor about perimenopause

The problem we all know

You know the drill. You’ve been tracking your symptoms for months; the irregular periods, night sweats that leave your sheets soaked, brain fog that makes you forget your colleague’s name mid-sentence. You finally work up the courage to book that appointment, only to hear:
“You’re too young for menopause.”
“It’s probably just stress from work.”
“This is normal aging, you’ll need to adjust.”

Sound familiar? You’re not imagining it. Research from the British Menopause Society shows that 40% of women wait over a year for a proper perimenopause diagnosis. Your symptoms are real, and you deserve better. We want women to be heard and feel confident to talk to their doctor about perimenopause.

Your action plan:
3 steps to being heard by doctors

Step 1. Before your appointment: come prepared

Because knowledge is power… and preparation is everything.

Download our preparation toolkit

Step 2. During your appointment: speak their language

Use these conversation starters

• “I’d like to explore whether these symptoms could be perimenopause-related. I’ve been tracking them for [X] months.”
• “Based on my family history and current symptoms, I’d like to request hormone testing.”
• “Would a referral to a women’s health or endocrinology specialist be helpful here?”
• “Could you refer me to a gynaecologist who specialises in perimenopause?”

Document everything

• Write down their responses during the appointment or even ask if you can use an AI notetaker to help you take notes.
• Ask for test results in writing.
• Request referral letters if needed.
• Note next appointment dates and follow-up plans.

Red flags during your appointment

• Doctor dismisses your concerns without examination.
• Refuses to discuss hormone testing.
• Attributes all symptoms to stress without further investigation.
• Suggests you’re “too young” without considering your family history.

In the US, it’s 6 to 8 average visits before the menopause is diagnosed

Mary Claire Haver, Ob-gyn and the author of The New Menopause

Step 3. Getting second opinion: when it’s time to move on

You need a new doctor if:

• Your concerns are consistently dismissed.
• There is no investigation into your symptoms after multiple visits.
• If you are refused appropriate testing without medical justification.
• If you are made to feel embarrassed about discussing perimenopause.
• If you feel worse after appointments.

Important considerations

Insurance coverage
Always check with your insurance provider about coverage for second opinions and changing doctors. Understand any referral requirements or network restrictions.

Communication with your current doctor
While you don’t have to tell your current doctor you’re seeking a second opinion or changing, some women find it helpful to be open. It can sometimes lead to a more productive conversation or even a referral to a specialist. However, you are not obligated to do so.

Be patient
Finding the right healthcare provider can take time. Don’t get discouraged if the first second opinion or new doctor isn’t the perfect fit. Keep advocating for yourself.

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